From the first day I was in the hospital, my nurses, therapists and doctors tried to make it very clear that recovery wouldn't be a straight shot, but would have ups and downs and plateaus along the way. I always nodded yes, but secretly I wondered if I might be able to get around all that and just continue on a smooth, direct route to recovery. The answer: A resounding no. I'm afraid that's just not how it works, kiddo.
To be clear, there haven't been any huge setbacks so far. Overall progress has continued at a steady pace and I'm definitely stronger now than when I arrived home two weeks ago, but it still feels like my life has become an unending game of tug-o-war against Guillain-Barré, where if I pull too hard or try to extend beyond my limits, Guillain-Barré pulls back and leaves me wiping the dirt off my knees.
There was a day early on when I woke up feeling strong and thought, "Yes! Today I am strong! I will completely rebuild my hamstrings!" I strapped on my little ankle weights, laid down on my stomach and proceeded to do all the kicks I could, then tried the different bridging exercises my therapist had shown me and threw in a few bicycles at the end for good measure. After I managed to get myself up off the floor, I showered, had lunch at a friend's house, came home, and then passed out on the couch with headaches for the next day and a half. GBS: 1, Emily: 0.
Some days it's pure foolishness; other days it's the heat, or lack of sleep, or a failure to reach sufficient calorie intake that makes things that seemed easy the day before suddenly feel enormously tiring. Endurance is the name of the game, and when, as one therapist explained it, you've got less gas in your tank, you've got to be smart in the way you use it, but that's hard when you don't know how much gas you've got on any given day and something that might have been within your modest limits the day before is just not a possibility the next.
If past performance is any indicator, I'm probably going to keep losing some battles for a while as I figure things out, but never doubt it: this war is mine in the long haul.
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The Story
- Emily Fifield
- Arequipa, Peru
- Back for another round in 2013. Updates on the Chiri knitting project and the Ñaña knitters, occasional explorations of Peruvian culture, musings on life as an expat, and all my best efforts not to venture back into the world of medicine, Peruvian or Stateside. Please also give our website a look if you have the time: www.chirihandmade.com.
2 comments:
Hi Emily! Greetings from Monica Ghali (Marcia's sister) - My parents and I just heard about everything that has been happening with you and found your blog - just wanted you to know that we are sending lots of love & thoughts your way as you recover. If you ever need a little arroz con pollo or aji de gallina (or papa a la huancaina or...) let me know and I'll whip something up :)!
Oh man, what I wouldn't do for some papas a la huancaina! Thank you so much, Monica and Ghalis. :) Recovery's been going really well, and I'm feeling hopeful about plans to get back to Peru in January (the lack of posts and neglect of blogging duties is the result of getting back to work, not a downhill slide!). Abrazos y besos a ti y a toda la familia and thank you for thinking of me.
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